My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize