I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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