Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
