So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
