Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize