I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
