I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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