you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
