I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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