You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
