Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
