I'm gonna have a badass scar
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
