Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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