I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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