$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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