By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize