A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
