So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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