i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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