I'm so fucking centered right now
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
