I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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