hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
