just tell him i said nine months
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
