i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
