that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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