I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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