just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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