Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
