apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
