I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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