I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize