Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
