I wannas sexs uuuuu
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
