I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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