every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
