mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
