dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
