Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
