Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
