May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
