he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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