im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
