I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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