turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize