Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
