We named our party play list daddy issues
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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