just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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