i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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