I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
