sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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