Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
