Dual....:-)
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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