Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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