You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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