Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize