so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Randomize
