i was born a porn star she said
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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