Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
