if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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