are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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