I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
another moral hangover. fuck.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize