look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
