Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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