In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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