I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
