Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
