i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
