i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize