after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
