I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
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