my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
