Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
