I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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