I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.â€
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