no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
