i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
