So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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