Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We named our party play list daddy issues
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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